Why I love my shoes

Often, men wonder why we women love shoes so much.

They insist, they do not notice them.

They mock us, and say, they have three pairs.

Is this anything to be proud of, that they do not take care with their appearance?

I love my shoes, a pair of well heeled black pumps, can bring me joy. When I snap my stockings into my garters, and smooth them, and put the shoes on my feet, they give me a rush of self confidence, simply knowing, my feet look more interesting. Women will not normally break their budget for a pair of shoes, but spend what they can afford on them.

When we find a pair we want, we try them on, and they make us feel different, much more exciting, exotic, sexier. Comfort is important, but style means a lot. Today, after purchasing a pale yellow dress with tiny embroidered cherries on it, I searched high and low for some bright red shoes to go with it, to no avail. When I find them, I shall hunt down a smart red handbag to go along with them. I know when I put the dress, the shoes, and transfer the contents into the new bag, I shall feel spiffy, and far more put together than I did before.

I bought an amazing pair of Steve Madden pumps, several months ago, and still have not been able to find a dress to go with them. When I do, I shall feel an elation unmatched by most things. For a relatively small amount of money, I can have the joy of searching for the perfect pair, then the thrill of finding them, buying them, and finally the amazing feel of wearing them. I can look down at my feet and know they look daintier, my legs look longer. For a woman, this is a small powerful moment.

It may not seem like much, but for me, having sexier feet, is an oasis that protects me from the drab world outside.

The birthday of someone I love

It has been two months now, and I am still rather blue. Ok, that is an understatement. I am a full on total wreck.

I am having trouble getting past some of the issues I have, and today is just not helping.

Children

In college, I was completely positive, that I did not want any children.

Don't get me wrong, I liked children, but I was under some sort of bullshit brainwashing notion that being a housewife and mother, was a waste of time. I was rumored that it would suck up all my time, and bring on the end of my intellectual life.

Looking back retrospectively, I could have not been anymore wrong.

These little people that came out of me, are simply amazing individuals. All four of them could not be any more different in personality if they tried to, they are all stand alone.

No longer can I look at parenting as some sort of chore, it is a privilege. Knowing them, guiding them, seeing them succeed and fail has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. A week before my second son is to go into college, I am awestruck by him. How in the last two years, he has turned into a man right in front of me. I could not be any prouder of anything I have ever done, that the tiny contribution I had to these children.

My daughter, beginning step by step to independence, she can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, get her own ice water from the fridge door. These things do not sound like much to someone else, but when 6 months ago, she would not even venture down to the kitchen alone, it is a small miracle.

Parenting is not easy, and yes, sometimes, it is monumentally frustrating. Nowhere else have I found so much reward for any little thing I have done. And they are forgiving, make a mistake, and they forget about it. Apologize, and it is magically as if it never occurred. I never knew what love actually was, until I saw my first child looking up at me. I could not have ever conceived of it in my wildest dreams, what it was like to love someone so much, they could shit on you, literally, and not have it affect how you feel about them. It has improved every friendship I have ever had. I was supposed to mold them and they have molded me into something much softer, kinder and more patient.

I am grateful for the opportunity to have known these little people. They are smart, sassy, empathetic and loyal. I have always tried to do the best I could by them, and all I can ask is that they pass that on to my grandchildren. I have not been Mrs. Cleaver, but then again, I am not "Mommy Dearest."

With this has come much more understanding for my own parents, and their foibles. I now see how the chain of parenting works, and I have tried hard to change the things in my power to strengthen it. It has also taught me about my own weaknesses. It has shown me that there are moments of happiness in the tiniest things, even in the midst of pain or discontent. Having to appear to be calm for them, when there was nothing but grief, and finding to my amazement that there was a lot more to me than I had thought. It has educated me in grace and mercy. In other words, while they were supposed to be growing up, perhaps I am the one who actually has.

On French...

This blog is lovingly dedicated to those at Zone Backgammon,
rated room 1, who perhaps do not have the luxury of speaking French,
and feel they need some viable English alternatives.

At any time, you may use these as substitutes for time honoured,
arrogant, garlic scented frenchy expressions we hear all too often.

I offer these as a service, to aid in the defrenchification of their daily
lives. I do this because I am a people person.

agent provocateur: troublemaker
à la mode: Ice cream on it
au naturel: naked
avant-garde: just plain weird stuff
avoirdupois: fat
au pair: the chance for free sex with young foreign women
bon vivant: party animal
c'est la vie: shit happens
concierge: actor
cul-de-sac: you are going to have to turn around
déjà  vu: Been there, done that
double entendre: very likely some sort of sexual harassment
eau de toilette: The toilet is overflowing!
faux: cheap, i.e. I don't have money faux a real diamond,
       so I got you this fetching cubic zirconia
faux pas: Step-father
film noir: Pooty Tang
haute cuisine: Looks good, but what the hell is it?
hors d'oeuvre: appetizers you are not paying for, if you are paying for them,
                       they are still appetizers
laissez faire: Butt out
maitre 'D: actor
matinée: afternoon delight
nouveau riche: anyone with more money than you have
petit-four: Not enough chocolate for anyone
RSVP has always meant Répondez s'il vous plaît, now it will mean
"Responding seems very polite..."
savoir-faire: uses pompous french expressions fluently
trompe l'oeil: Plastic surgery

Up on my roof...

Men are fixing my roof, after the last three years of patching and taping it together, I am finally getting to it. They are also replacing the railings, so the little 3rd story deck with the nice view, will be usable from the back bedroom. This will make the room highly desirable to my children, and I am sure there will be a row. If I were not so stinking lazy, I might like that room myself.

As they work on it, little bits of plaster, fall upon my head and the keyboard. I will not let this discourage me from my favorite spot, next to my big glass of Diet Coke. I am stronger than my ceiling dammit. I shall prevail.

They call the law Shariah

While we take for granted our ability as women to choose in this country, women are treated abominably worldwide. However, in Islam, they deserve an award for the single most backward culture available today.

Just one tiny peek into the muslim world and the spectre of Shariah Law, rears it's ugly head. The Iraqi congress is currently fighting over the inclusion of Shariah in it's constitution.

What is this thing, you may ask, aaaah, an example is in order, just a few, because I would need a whole book for this.

1. Offensive, military jihad against non-Muslims is a communal, religious obligation;
2. A person who is ignorant about Islamic legal opinion must follow the legal opinion of a scholar;
3. The penalty for a Muslim apostate (someone who no longer believes in or no longer follows the tenets of Islam) is death;
4. When slaughtering animals for food, a knife must be used to cut the windpipe and gullet;
5. A woman is only eligible to receive half the inheritance of a man;
6. Marriage may be forced on virgins by their father or father’s father;
7. A non-Arab man may not marry an Arab woman;
8. A woman must seek permission from her husband to leave the house;
9. A Muslim man cannot marry a woman who is a Zoroastrian, an idol worshipper, an apostate from Islam or a woman with one parent who is Jewish or Christian, with the other being Zoroastrian; a Muslim woman cannot marry anyone but a Muslim;
10. A free Muslim man may marry up to four women;
11. Retaliation is obligatory in most cases when someone is deliberately murdered except when a Muslim kills a non-Muslim, a Jew or a Christian kills a Muslim apostate or a father or mother kill their offspring;
12. Non-Muslim subjects (Ahl al-Dhimma) of a Muslim state are subject to a series of discriminatory laws – “dhimmitude”;
13. The penalty for fornication or sodomy is being stoned to death;
14. The penalty for an initial theft is amputation of the right hand. Subsequent thefts are penalized by further amputations of feet and hand;
15. A non-Muslim cannot testify against a Muslim in court; a person who is “without respectability” cannot give legal testimony; a woman’s legal testimony is only given half the legal weight of a man’s (and is only acceptable in cases involving property); to legally prove fornication or sodomy requires 4 male witnesses who actually saw the act;
16. The establishment and continuation of the Islamic Caliphate (by force, if necessary) is a communal obligation;
17. Sodomites and Lesbians must be killed;
18. Laughing too much is forbidden;
19. Musical instruments are unlawful;
20. Creating pictures of animate life is forbidden;
21. Female circumcision, which includes the excision of the clitoris, is obligatory;
22. Slavery is permitted;
23. People may be bribed to convert to Islam;
24. Beating a rebellious wife is permissible
25. Lying is permissible in a time of war (or jihad).

I find Sharia entertaining, because nowhere else can you find strict guidelines on how to do, almost any little thing, from prayer, to food, on going to the bathroom, to cleaning yourself afterwards. It does take a lot of that whole daily thought processes thing out of your day.

Hello, and welcome to the new, improved with extra bullshit Dark Ages. Kill all the Christians, Jews, Atheists, Buddhists, Agnostics you can, and get the iron clad guarantee that Allah is going to simply love it!

I am torn between not liking the war, and wanting to bomb anyone who observes this law, back into the dim recesses from whence it came.

You've come a long way baby. Now put on your burkha dammit, and make me some dinner.

As an postscript to this, I have no clue in the least, what a Zoroastrian believes, but it is rumoured that there is a still a goodly chunk of them left in Iran, despite the Arabs trying to chase them all out after conquering their lands around the 7th century (Imagine that!). The name is certainly harder to spell than the name of any other religious adherent, and you have to love that.

More on relationships, or is that moron relationships?

Men are always on the lookout for something better, but is this true across the board for women also?

The way I see the end of my last relationship, is that I was ok to talk to, and great to fuck, but not worth any real effort or emotional risk. Now, if this had been the only time I had dated men who felt this way, I would chalk it up to an experience. But now I am earnestly beginning to question my own worthiness. Not like self esteem issues are some new thing for me, I acknowlege that I am not pretty, nor thin, but when the last relationship was with someone who did not hold that in as high an esteem, then it is devastating. My intellect and personality were never things I questioned before. Perhaps I should have! Maybe I am just a horrid, unpleasant bitch, and don't know it. Maybe I am not as smart as I think I am... nah. Maybe I am too smart for my own good. Intellect brings with it discontent. If you are stupid, chances are you have not noticed you are unhappy.

I read a blurb in Psychology Today, about how the lowest rates of mental illness per capita in a certain group, that low income single mothers had less than any other group. Now, let's look at that, and examine how that statistic might be skewed.

Are low income single mothers low income, because they are not as well educated, or as intelligent as ones with higher income? How does this affect the sample? Or is it that they have less access to health care, and are not diagnosed? Or is it just that they are so busy trying to survive, that they don't notice their suicidal tendencies?

Are better educated people, or people with money, just more aware? Or are they just generally smart enough to be constantly on the hunt for something better?

I think we need to put Zoloft, in the water supply.

Do men, actually think and feel?

This may seem like a harsh question.

I preface this by saying, I prefer the company of men. I find women to be more interested in emotional issues, and gossiping more than men as an entire group. However, I am pretty sure men are gossiping less, because they are far more self absorbed than women. Women are genetically designed to mother and nurture, so they have a more emotional side. Men were genetically bred to have to be hunters or protectors, and perhaps this strength is after all, their weakness.

And if current trends are any indicator, men are also bred to spread as much seed, in as many places as possible.

More and more, we women are finding men who want all the benefits of a relationship, without the responsibility.The term "friends with privileges" is coming up more and more. There is some sort of disconnect between men and their feelings. We all know men who have been dating the same woman for 4 and 5 years, and still can't make any sort of decision. Who are the women who put up with this? Myself, the cut off, two years, and perhaps if you don't know in 6 months if something is worth dropping other things to pursue, then maybe there is something wrong with you.

I am beginning to think twice, about pre-marital sex. Hey, don't get me wrong, I love sex, but it does seem that there is a vast chasm between men's emotions and their dicks. As long as men are getting sex, they will continue to use women for it. I have been on first dates, where I am pressured for sex. I am beginning to lose faith in my intellect, when all men want is some pussy. Sure, the intellect is nice, but sans the vagina, does it lose it's value?

One must think, for so many men to attempt sex upon first meeting someone, that somewere, some women gave in, and it is just a sort of experiment for them, because eventually, from a statistical standpoint, they are bound to find at least one. A guy told me two nights ago, that he had a friend, who stood outside of bars, and asked women who were entering, if they wanted to fuck, and he got enough takers, to make it worth the time and effort.

Men, are fascinated by bitches. All around you will see men snapping to, under the sway of women who are pretty, but treat them horribly, and they fall into the line like lemmings to the cliff. They say they want a nice, kind woman, and should they get a hold of one, they take advantage, and disrespect her.

Oh well, I hope some man somewhere reads this, and spends at least a half a second contemplating what a total waste of oxygen he might actually be.

On Downfall...

Went to see this with Greg, and it has haunted me ever since. I am reminded if it, since it just coming out on dvd.

Outrageously well wrought, with a feverish intensity that I found often painful to view. Life in the bunker was infused with a sort of psychotic sensibility. Hitler seeming kind to his contemporaries, and often charismatic, while displaying signs of falling apart. An excellent effort was made towards making the characters sympathetic and likable.

This film reminded me, how human an invention the concept of evil is. How it can spring from the mind of man, and is often nourished by those who embrace it.

Now, I am fully aware and will happily admit, I am still pondering this months later, is the summer selection of movies, has been sucking in matter with the avidity of a black hole. It is so depressing, going to yahoo movies to check my local theatres, and finding them all vying for the same drech.