Am I a bitter hag? I sure hope not!
I had a relationship that failed, and it has been really hard for me to get past it.
I like to think that every time I fail, I learn something that makes it worthwhile. Sometimes it works, other times, not so clear. This last year has been really rough for me, but I lucked out and made some observations that I can hopefully knit into something I will be able to use for the rest of my life.
Our culture has become shallow. We have lost respect for depth, for truth, for beauty, for meaning. It makes us bored. I hear people complaining about being bored constantly. People watch TV, listen to music, sit on the computer, anything to push down our thoughts and feelings. We have disconnected ourselves from what lies within us.
We have lost our sense of wonder about the other gender. Too much open sexuality, too much emphasis on the equality of the sexes, ignoring the wonder of the differences. We watch movies about how guys are away from women, how women are away from men and now we know way too much. I know men can be really disgusting, hey, I live on the planet, but just maybe I don't need to know just how gross they are, and maybe the men I know, don't need to know how truly icky women can be.
We have openly declared and even celebrated our independence from each other. We shun the notion of needing someone else. Our unwillingness to show weakness has robbed us of our innocence. The innocence required to completely bare one's soul to one another, one of the most magical thing about being human, intimacy, is dismissed now as pathetic naïvité. The man I loved told me once; "I want a woman who can walk away from me at anytime, who does not need me, but stays anyway." Are we that terrified of being responsible for someone else? For their feelings and needs?
We have deluded ourselves into thinking we deserve the absolute best relationship we can possibly imagine. We forgot that good, not better or best, can be really wonderful. In looking for our flawed perception of best, we miss the incredible right in front of us. Sure, I am great, I deserve to marry a brilliant Nobel prize winning scientist, but hey, am I really going to find him at my local WalMart?
We view love as a luxury, rather than a necessity. Great work, if you can get it, but not worth any real sacrifice. We are now too lazy to love someone.
We love with our head, rather than our heart. Our minds talk us out of relationships, because we have become "expert" at them, or so we think. We question the rationale of surrendering, of risk. The weird thing is, we do all sorts of other things that require levels of intellectual or physical challenge. We just forget that there are emotional challenges.
We have lost faith in marriage. Sixty percent divorce rate now. Enough said about that. We are now officially a disposable society. We chuck out relationships as if they were a broken VCR.
We are a distractable society. We have sensory overload. Too much expectation of physical beauty or money or whatever else, has caused people to be constantly looking for something better. Like some huge radar tower, we scan the horizon constantly, afraid we are missing something.
We have filed the pursuit of love under the title: pastime. It's no longer a priority. We think that hey, if we find it, great, if not, oh well. Career? Important. Finances? Important. Love? Well, when I am done with everything else. We have forgotten what is so incredible about being with someone you love.
I ran into this head on, over a year ago, when the man I was with for three years and loved dearly, upon being asked where the relationship might be going, informed me he had no idea how he felt about me. Now, I am not really sure just how you stay with someone for three years, vacation together, do things together, talk to each other about everything, and have no idea. For my own self respect I had to end it, because I know there is more. I was devastated and have only now started sniffing the wind, because I felt to date anyone else, when I knew I was emotionally unavailable was grossly selfish and unfair to the men. It would also mask how I was feeling and allow me to stuff it down way under the surface. I don't want to be shallow. I would rather suffer and never be bored.
I like to think that every time I fail, I learn something that makes it worthwhile. Sometimes it works, other times, not so clear. This last year has been really rough for me, but I lucked out and made some observations that I can hopefully knit into something I will be able to use for the rest of my life.
Our culture has become shallow. We have lost respect for depth, for truth, for beauty, for meaning. It makes us bored. I hear people complaining about being bored constantly. People watch TV, listen to music, sit on the computer, anything to push down our thoughts and feelings. We have disconnected ourselves from what lies within us.
We have lost our sense of wonder about the other gender. Too much open sexuality, too much emphasis on the equality of the sexes, ignoring the wonder of the differences. We watch movies about how guys are away from women, how women are away from men and now we know way too much. I know men can be really disgusting, hey, I live on the planet, but just maybe I don't need to know just how gross they are, and maybe the men I know, don't need to know how truly icky women can be.
We have openly declared and even celebrated our independence from each other. We shun the notion of needing someone else. Our unwillingness to show weakness has robbed us of our innocence. The innocence required to completely bare one's soul to one another, one of the most magical thing about being human, intimacy, is dismissed now as pathetic naïvité. The man I loved told me once; "I want a woman who can walk away from me at anytime, who does not need me, but stays anyway." Are we that terrified of being responsible for someone else? For their feelings and needs?
We have deluded ourselves into thinking we deserve the absolute best relationship we can possibly imagine. We forgot that good, not better or best, can be really wonderful. In looking for our flawed perception of best, we miss the incredible right in front of us. Sure, I am great, I deserve to marry a brilliant Nobel prize winning scientist, but hey, am I really going to find him at my local WalMart?
We view love as a luxury, rather than a necessity. Great work, if you can get it, but not worth any real sacrifice. We are now too lazy to love someone.
We love with our head, rather than our heart. Our minds talk us out of relationships, because we have become "expert" at them, or so we think. We question the rationale of surrendering, of risk. The weird thing is, we do all sorts of other things that require levels of intellectual or physical challenge. We just forget that there are emotional challenges.
We have lost faith in marriage. Sixty percent divorce rate now. Enough said about that. We are now officially a disposable society. We chuck out relationships as if they were a broken VCR.
We are a distractable society. We have sensory overload. Too much expectation of physical beauty or money or whatever else, has caused people to be constantly looking for something better. Like some huge radar tower, we scan the horizon constantly, afraid we are missing something.
We have filed the pursuit of love under the title: pastime. It's no longer a priority. We think that hey, if we find it, great, if not, oh well. Career? Important. Finances? Important. Love? Well, when I am done with everything else. We have forgotten what is so incredible about being with someone you love.
I ran into this head on, over a year ago, when the man I was with for three years and loved dearly, upon being asked where the relationship might be going, informed me he had no idea how he felt about me. Now, I am not really sure just how you stay with someone for three years, vacation together, do things together, talk to each other about everything, and have no idea. For my own self respect I had to end it, because I know there is more. I was devastated and have only now started sniffing the wind, because I felt to date anyone else, when I knew I was emotionally unavailable was grossly selfish and unfair to the men. It would also mask how I was feeling and allow me to stuff it down way under the surface. I don't want to be shallow. I would rather suffer and never be bored.
posted by Dawn at 7:33 PM
1 Comments:
Our society has always prized the alleviation of boredom above all else. That's why athletes and actors get paid about 100 times as much as say, teachers or medical researchers.
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