On being female
As I was playing a game of scrabble today, I sent my opponent a smiley. :) They replied with, "Pins and needles, needles and pins, it's a happy man who grins." I said, "All very well and good, but I am not a man, so where does this leave me since men say you cannot make a woman happy?" My opponent commented, "True, I am one and I am not happy unless I am making myself miserable." Why do we do this?
When I ask this question, it encompasses a lot of different things.
We like to compare ourselves to other women, and maybe like is not the right word. Because we don't like it really and no matter how we look, we only see the flaws in ourselves. Never in the subject of the comparison. I once saw a woman at the spa who was utterly gorgeous, wafer thin and weighing herself before and after she came out of every sauna and steam room. She did this for hours and she would look at the scales disapprovingly, and sigh. My friend and I sat munching on our spa rabbit food salad, so we asked her what the problem was. She told us she had a date and wanted to lose two more pounds to fit into the dress she wanted to wear. Suddenly I felt guilty for eating a spoonful of goat cheese.
Imagine our shock, both of us being overweight and not concerned with the scale at all, and here was a Kate Moss clone worrying about two pounds! To our eyes, she should have happily paraded around the women's spa, totally naked, never giving a thought about how her body looked. Suddenly I realized that it is not what you have, but rather what you think you don't have that is important to women.
I am as guilty as other women of this, but I always felt like I had a really good reason to be. Years of battling my weight and trying to tan (which may I add, will never happen...), freaking out over imagined blemishes on my face. I am not particularly pretty, or outstanding in any way, but now I see that it does not matter how pretty or thin you are, there is always going to be someone prettier and thinner than you are. Add to that younger, as I am 44. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Men do not seem to this to the same degree women do or maybe it is just not that apparent. They keep it to themselves. If I had a nickel for every middle aged, beer bellied guy I saw in his truck with a "no fat chicks" bumpersticker, I could buy a truck that rivals theirs. I listen to men who are not particularly attractive or hygienic, criticizing women for two ounces of extra post pregnancy fat.
I am wondering if men feel free to do this, because we do it to ourselves? Because if you think men are bad, try listening to women talk about other women. They make men look nice by comparison. Oddly, I rarely hear a man saying he does not find a woman attractive because she is stupid. Wonder what that means?
The other way women make themselves miserable, is by wanting men who are not deserving of them. We women will sit around and mope about some guy who liked us enough to have sex with us once for a while, but not enough to want to make any sort of effort on our behalf. The solution for this is clear, but we can't seem to get the other women to get on the bandwagon. Stop putting out. Period. They have no right to ask or expect something so personal and intimate, with no sort of commitment. If all of us worked together, and stopped the round heeled madness, men might just shape up and act like mammals. But as long as there are women who do not posses the self esteem and respect to say no more than once, men will continue to think this is their world and they can take what they want to, when they want to.
I can't see where the women's movement helped in any way besides job equality. Women are not respected equally as men, take for example Condoleezza Rice. Whether you agree with her politics or not, she is a brilliant scholar, accomplished musician, a formidable intellect, a polyglot, not to mention gracious. I hear men who disagree with her politics, saying things like, "What is with the space between her teeth?" Or, "She is just a puppet of the administration," as if she is totally unable to think for herself. You've come a long way baby!
Hell, I think Teddy Kennedy is ugly, but I am far more offended by the things he says than by how he looks. How far does a woman have to go in the world that she can be immune from having her looks judged by not just men, but other women? Are we listening to what the men say, or just competing with the other women for the men?
When I ask this question, it encompasses a lot of different things.
We like to compare ourselves to other women, and maybe like is not the right word. Because we don't like it really and no matter how we look, we only see the flaws in ourselves. Never in the subject of the comparison. I once saw a woman at the spa who was utterly gorgeous, wafer thin and weighing herself before and after she came out of every sauna and steam room. She did this for hours and she would look at the scales disapprovingly, and sigh. My friend and I sat munching on our spa rabbit food salad, so we asked her what the problem was. She told us she had a date and wanted to lose two more pounds to fit into the dress she wanted to wear. Suddenly I felt guilty for eating a spoonful of goat cheese.
Imagine our shock, both of us being overweight and not concerned with the scale at all, and here was a Kate Moss clone worrying about two pounds! To our eyes, she should have happily paraded around the women's spa, totally naked, never giving a thought about how her body looked. Suddenly I realized that it is not what you have, but rather what you think you don't have that is important to women.
I am as guilty as other women of this, but I always felt like I had a really good reason to be. Years of battling my weight and trying to tan (which may I add, will never happen...), freaking out over imagined blemishes on my face. I am not particularly pretty, or outstanding in any way, but now I see that it does not matter how pretty or thin you are, there is always going to be someone prettier and thinner than you are. Add to that younger, as I am 44. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Men do not seem to this to the same degree women do or maybe it is just not that apparent. They keep it to themselves. If I had a nickel for every middle aged, beer bellied guy I saw in his truck with a "no fat chicks" bumpersticker, I could buy a truck that rivals theirs. I listen to men who are not particularly attractive or hygienic, criticizing women for two ounces of extra post pregnancy fat.
I am wondering if men feel free to do this, because we do it to ourselves? Because if you think men are bad, try listening to women talk about other women. They make men look nice by comparison. Oddly, I rarely hear a man saying he does not find a woman attractive because she is stupid. Wonder what that means?
The other way women make themselves miserable, is by wanting men who are not deserving of them. We women will sit around and mope about some guy who liked us enough to have sex with us once for a while, but not enough to want to make any sort of effort on our behalf. The solution for this is clear, but we can't seem to get the other women to get on the bandwagon. Stop putting out. Period. They have no right to ask or expect something so personal and intimate, with no sort of commitment. If all of us worked together, and stopped the round heeled madness, men might just shape up and act like mammals. But as long as there are women who do not posses the self esteem and respect to say no more than once, men will continue to think this is their world and they can take what they want to, when they want to.
I can't see where the women's movement helped in any way besides job equality. Women are not respected equally as men, take for example Condoleezza Rice. Whether you agree with her politics or not, she is a brilliant scholar, accomplished musician, a formidable intellect, a polyglot, not to mention gracious. I hear men who disagree with her politics, saying things like, "What is with the space between her teeth?" Or, "She is just a puppet of the administration," as if she is totally unable to think for herself. You've come a long way baby!
Hell, I think Teddy Kennedy is ugly, but I am far more offended by the things he says than by how he looks. How far does a woman have to go in the world that she can be immune from having her looks judged by not just men, but other women? Are we listening to what the men say, or just competing with the other women for the men?
posted by Dawn at 11:45 AM
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